THE DATE WAS JUNE 15, 1970. I LEFT THE HOSPITAL IN A DAZE, DAD WALKING BESIDE ME TALKING ABOUT ANYTHING HE COULD THINK OF TO SAY. I KNOW HE WAS TRYING TO KEEP MY MIND OFF OF WHAT THE DOCTOR HAD JUST TOLD ME.
"KEEP YOUR HEAD UP FRAN, DON'T CRY!" I SILENTLY TOLD MYSELF AS WE WALKED DOWN THE STEPS AND HEADED TOWARD THE PARKING LOT. "YOU HAVE TO BE STRONG, FOR PAULA." IT TOOK EFFORT TO TAKE EACH STEP AWAY FROM THAT BED IN PEDIATRICS THAT HELD MY FOUR YEAR OLD DAUGHTER, BUT I HAD TO GO HOME FOR A LITTLE WHILE SO I COULD TELL MY HUSBAND WHAT THE DOCTOR HAD SAID AND TRY TO EXPLAIN TO TWO YEAR OLD CHUCKIE WHY HIS SISTER WOULD BE GONE FOR A WHILE.
AS WE REACHED DADS PICKUP IN THE PARKING LOT I GLANCED BACK AT THE HOSPITAL, MY EYES GOING TO THE SECOND FLOOR, SEARCHING FOR THE WINDOW THAT WOULD BE HERS. I COULDN'T CONTROL IT ANT LONGER, TEARS SLID DOWN MY FACE AND DAD PUT HIS ARMS AROUND ME AND HELD ME WHILE I CRIED IN BIG WRENCHING SOBS.
"SHE CAN'T DIE DADDY," I CRIED, "SHE JUST CAN'T, SHE'S TOO YOUNG, THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING WE CAN DO!"
ELEVEN DAYS AGO I HAD TAKEN PAULA TO THE DOCTOR BECAUSE SHE WAS LIMPING AND SAID HER KNEE HURT. I THOUGHT MAYBE SHE HAD BUMPED IT AND CRACKED HER KNEE CAP OR SOMETHING.
THE DOCTOR LOOKED HER OVER AND SAID SHE HAD A VIRUS IN HER KNEE CAUSING IT TO BE SORE, BUT HE WANTED TO TAKE SOME BLOOD TESTS BECAUSE HE SAID SHE ALSO HAD A SLIGHT TEMPERATURE AND THE VIRUS SHE HAD IN HER KNEE WOULDN'T BE CAUSING IT.
AFTER TAKING THE TESTS HE TOLD ME THAT PAULA WAS VERY ANEMIC AND HE WANTED HER ON A SPECIAL DIET FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS TO SEE IF IT WOULD GET BETTER, IF NOT WE MAY HAVE TO PUT HER INTO THE HOSPITAL FOR A BLOOD TRANSFUSION. I REMEMBERED THAT MY MOTHER HAD BEEN VERY ANEMIC AND ASKED THE DOCTOR IF THIS COULD BE HEREDITARY. HE SAID IT WAS POSSIBLE, HE DIDN'T KNOW YET. I WAS TO BRING HER BACK IN TWO WEEKS SO HE COULD SEE HOW SHE WAS DOING.
I TOOK HER HOME AND FOLLOWED THE DIET THE DOCTOR HAD GIVEN ME TO GO BY TO THE LETTER. I AGREED, PAULA HAD SEEMED KIND OF TIRED ALL THE TIME LATELY. SHE AND CHUCKIE HAD BOTH HAD THE CHICKEN POX A COUPLE OF MONTHS BEFORE AND NATURALLY I HAD BABIED THEM. BUT WHEN THEY WERE BETTER AND I STARTED ASKING THEM TO PICK UP THEIR TOYS AGAIN, PAULA WOULD PICK UP A FEW AND THEN SAY, "MOMMY, I'M TIRED!" AND SHE WOULD LAY DOWN ON HER BED.
I THOUGHT THAT SHE HAD JUST GOTTEN KIND OF SPOILED WHILE SHE WAS SICK AND FIGURED SHE WOULD EVENTUALLY GET BACK TO HER OLD SELF. I HAD RELATED THIS ALL TO THE DOCTOR AND HE SAID IT WAS BECAUSE OF THE ANEMIA THAT SHE WAS SO TIRED ALL THE TIME.
I DIDN'T WAIT THE FULL TWO WEEKS TO TAKE HER BACK TO THE DOCTOR. I TOOK HER BACK IN TEN DAYS. BY THAT TIME SHE WOULD GET UP FOR TEN OR FIFTEEN MINUTES AT A TIME AND THEN SAY SHE WAS TIRED AND GO BACK TO BED. I KNEW THE DIET WASN'T WORKING AND TOLD THE NURSE WHY I HAD NOT WAITED THE FULL TWO WEEKS TO BRING HER BACK.
A FEW MINUTES LATER THE DOCTOR WALKED IN, TOOK ONE LOOK AT PAULA AND SAID "THAT'S NOT IT!" AS HE HURRIED OUT THE DOOR. ABOUT THE TIME I STARTED TO WONDER WHERE HE HAD WENT TO HE CAME BACK INTO THE ROOM AND TOLD ME HE HAD MADE AN APPOINTMENT FOR ME TO TAKE PAULA TO A SPECIALIST. IT WAS FOR NINE O'CLOCK THE NEXT MORNING. I ASKED HIM WHAT HE THOUGHT WAS WRONG AND HE SAID HE WASN'T SURE, BUT THE SPECIALIST WOULD BE ABLE TO TELL ME.
I TALKED TO MY DAD ON THE PHONE THAT EVENING AND TOLD HIM WHAT THE DOCTOR HAD SAID AND HE TOLD ME HE WAS GOING TO COME UP THAT NIGHT SO HE WOULD BE THERE TO GO WITH ME TO TAKE PAULA TO THE SPECIALIST. THE NEXT MORNING MY HUSBAND WENT ON TO WORK, MY YOUNGER SISTER TOOK CARE OF CHUCKIE, AND DAD, PAULA AND I WENT TO SEE THIS SPECIALIST.
I WAS IMPRESSED WITH DR. ROBERTS RIGHT FROM THE START. HE SEEMED TO KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING. HE CHECKED HER OVER AND SAID HE WANTED ME TO TAKE HER ACROSS THE STREET TO THE HOSPITAL FOR SOME TESTS. HE SAID IT WAS EITHER HEMOLYTIC ANEMIA, IN WHICH CASE REMOVAL OF THE SPLEEN MAY BE ALL SHE NEEDS, OR LEUKEMIA. HE SAID "LET'S JUST PRAY IT'S HEMOLYTIC ANEMIA!" BUT WHEN THE TESTS WERE DONE HE SAID WE WEREN'T THAT LUCKY, IT WAS LEUKEMIA. HE SAID WE HAD TWO CHOICES, REFUSE TREATMENT, TAKE HER HOME, AND LET IT BE OVER QUICKLY, IN WHICH CASE SHE MIGHT LIVE A MONTH, OR PUT HER INTO THE HOSPITAL AND LET THEM DO WHAT THEY COULD...IN WHICH CASE HE SAID SHE WOULD LIVE SIX MONTHS, MAYBE A YEAR AT THE MOST.
I TOLD HIM THE WAY I SAW IT WE ONLY HAD ONE CHOICE AND THAT WAS TO DO EVERYTHING WE COULD TO KEEP HER ALIVE, BECAUSE AS LONG AS SHE WAS ALIVE THERE WAS HOPE. HE SAID HE WAS HOPING THAT WAS THE CHOICE I WOULD MAKE. NOW, AFTER GETTING PAULA SETTLED INTO HER ROOM I WAS GOING HOME TO GET HER PJ'S AND SOME TOYS AND BREAK THE NEWS TO THE REST OF THE FAMILY.
PAULA WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FOR A LITTLE OVER A MONTH BEFORE SHE GOT TO COME HOME AGAIN. SHE SEEMED JUST FINE, BUT THE DOCTOR SAID SHE WAS JUST IN REMISSION AND SHE WOULD BE IN AND OUT OF THE HOSPITAL PROBABLY SEVERAL TIMES BEFORE THE END. HE SAID THEY WERE SO CLOSE TO A CURE FOR LEUKEMIA THAT IF WE COULD JUST KEEP HER ALIVE LONG ENOUGH, JUST MAYBE THEY WOULD FIND THE ANSWER IN TIME TO SAVE HER.
PAULA HAD MEDICATION SHE HAD TO TAKE SEVERAL TIMES A DAY AND SHE HAD TO SEE THE DOCTOR ONCE A WEEK. SHE KNEW THAT SHE HAD LEUKEMIA AND THAT MEANT HER BLOOD WAS SICK, AND THAT WAS WHY SHE HAD TO GO TO THE DOCTOR ALL THE TIME. SHE LOVED DR. ROBERTS TO PIECES THOUGH, SO SHE DIDN'T MIND GOING. SHE WAS HOME ABOUT THREE MONTHS THAT TIME BEFORE SHE HAD TO GO BACK TO THE HOSPITAL. THIS TIME SHE WAS ONLY THERE FOR ABOUT TEN DAYS, THEN SHE SEEMED JUST FINE AND WAS BACK HOME AGAIN.
PAULA GOT TO SPEND HER FIFTH BIRTHDAY AT HOME. WE KNEW IT MIGHT BE HER LAST. SHE WAS INDEED IN AND OUT OF THE HOSPITAL SEVERAL TIMES. SHE BECAME WELL KNOWN AND LOVED THROUGH OUT THE HOSPITAL. ONE OF THE NURSES IN PEDIATRICS WAS TRANSFERRED TO ANOTHER WARD BECAUSE SHE WAS BECOMING TOO ATTACHED TO PAULA. EACH TIME SHE WOULD BECOME REALLY BAD SICK, DR. ROBERTS WOULD SAY ALMOST LIKE A PRAYER, "COME ON PAULA, HOLD ON JUST A LITTLE BIT LONGER, THEY'RE SO CLOSE TO A CURE NOW!" MIRACULOUSLY SHE ALWAYS PULLED THROUGH.
ONE TIME AFTER A TREATMENT SHE WENT INTO SHOCK, CONVULSIONS, AND INTO A COMA. BY THAT NIGHT SHE WAS OUT OF HER COMA AND THE NEXT MORNING SHE SEEMED JUST FINE. ANOTHER TIME, SHE HAD PNEUMONIA AND THE DOCTOR DIDN'T THINK SHE'D LIVE THROUGH THE NIGHT, BUT BY THE NEXT DAY SHE HAD RECOVERED AND YOU COULD HARDLY TELL SHE HAD BEEN SICK AT ALL. SHE BECAME KNOWN AROUND THE HOSPITAL AS THE MIRACLE CHILD, BECAUSE SHE ALWAYS PULLED THROUGH. THE DOCTOR SAID IT WAS JUST BECAUSE OF HER WILL POWER.
SHE NEVER COMPLAINED. SHE SEEMED TO WORRY MORE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE THAN SHE DID ABOUT HERSELF. ONE TIME SHE WAS IN SO MUCH PAIN THAT THEY HAD TO KEEP HER CONSTANTLY ON MORPHINE. SHE NEVER SAID A WORD ABOUT HER OWN PAIN, BUT THE LITTLE GIRL IN THE BED NEXT TO HERS HAD JUST HAD A KIDNEY TRANSPLANT AND PAULA WOULD TELL ME, "MOMMY, SHE HURTS SO BAD!"
THERE WAS A PREACHERS WIFE IN THE HOSPITAL THAT HAD CANCER. SHE HAD GIVEN UP AND THEY DIDN'T EXPECT HER TO LIVE THROUGH THE WEEK, BUT ALL OF A SUDDEN SHE MADE A TURN-AROUND AND BY THE END OF THE WEEK SHE WAS SO MUCH BETTER SHE GOT TO GO HOME. SHE SAID THAT SOMEONE HAD TOLD HER ABOUT PAULA, AND IF THAT LITTLE GIRL CAN HAVE THAT MUCH FAITH, SURELY SHE COULD FIND SOME OF HER OWN.
ONE DAY I WALKED INTO PAULA'S ROOM AND FOUND A MAN THERE VISITING HER. HE HAD LONG HAIR AND WORE BEADS AROUND HIS NECK. HE WALKED WITH A PAIR OF POLIO CRUTCHES. HE SAID HE HAD MET PAULA ONE TIME WHEN ONE OF THE NURSES HAD TAKEN HER FOR A RIDE IN HER WHEELCHAIR, AND IF I DIDN'T MIND, HE WOULD LIKE TO COME VISIT HER OFTEN. HE SAID HE HAD BEEN IN A CAR WRECK AND HAD BROKEN HIS BACK, THE DOCTORS SAID HE WOULD NEVER WALK AGAIN WITHOUT HIS CRUTCHES.
LARRY BECAME A REGULAR VISITOR. HE WAS REALLY A VERY NICE MAN AND PAULA GREW TO LOVE HIM VERY MUCH. WE DID TOO, HE BROUGHT A LOT OF HAPPINESS TO OUR LITTLE GIRL, AND HE SEEMED TO ALWAYS BE THERE WHEN WE NEEDED MORAL SUPPORT.
ON JUNE 14, 1971, PAULA HAD BEEN BACK IN THE HOSPITAL FOR SEVERAL WEEKS. THE DOCTOR SAID SHE WANTED TO GO HOME TO SEE HER LITTLE BROTHER CHUCKIE. HE SAID SHE WAS NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO BE RELEASED, AND SHE WAS GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER TREATMENT THE NEXT MORNING ANYWAY, BUT HE SAID HE THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE GOOD FOR HER TO GO HOME FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS. SO FOR TWO HOURS SHE GOT TO VISIT HER LITTLE BROTHER AT HOME.
WHEN WE GOT BACK TO THE HOSPITAL SHE WAS REALLY TIRED. I GOT HER BACK INTO BED, HELPED FEED HER SUPPER, AND GAVE HER A BIG KISS AND HUG AND TOLD HER I'D BE THERE BRIGHT AND EARLY THE NEXT MORNING FOR HER TREATMENT. I TUCKED HER IN AND STARTED TOWARD THE DOOR TO GO HOME. "MOMMY," SHE SAID. I TURNED AROUND TO SEE WHAT SHE WANTED. "CAN I HAVE ANOTHER KISS AND HUG?" I RUSHED OVER TO HER AND GATHERED HER INTO MY ARMS. I TOLD HER SHE COULD HAVE ALL THE KISSES AND HUGS SHE WANTED. "I LOVE YOU MOMMY." SHE SAID AS SHE CLOSED HER EYES TO GO TO SLEEP. I WAITED A FEW MINUTES AND SLIPPED OUT THE DOOR WHEN I WAS SURE SHE WAS ASLEEP.
"I LOVE YOU MOMMY." WAS THE LAST THING MY PRECIOUS DAUGHTER SAID TO ME. I WAS CALLED TO THE HOSPITAL EARLY THE NEXT MORNING. WHEN I GOT THERE THEY WERE BUSY WITH HER IN HER ROOM. THEY HAD ME SIT INSIDE THE NURSES STATION AND HANDED ME A CUP OF COFFEE. I KNEW THEN THAT IT WAS BAD.
THE DOCTOR CAME OUT FOR A MOMENT AND TOLD ME THAT PAULA HAD A TEMPERATURE OF 106 AND IT HAD BEEN THAT HIGH FOR SOME TIME NOW. HE SAID THAT IF SHE LIVED THIS TIME SHE WOULD SURELY HAVE BRAIN DAMAGE FROM THE HIGH TEMPERATURE AND WOULD PROBABLY BE NOTHING MORE THAN A VEGETABLE. "I'M GOING BACK IN TO SEE HOW SHE'S DOING." HE SAID AND HURRIED BACK INTO HER ROOM.
I HAD A LONG PRIVATE TALK WITH GOD WHILE I WAS SITTING THERE WAITING. I TOLD HIM THAT I LOVED MY DAUGHTER VERY MUCH AND I WANTED WHAT WAS BEST FOR HER. I SAID IF HE WAS GOING TO TAKE HER AT ALL, TO PLEASE TAKE HER NOW BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT HER TO SUFFER ANYMORE. I WANTED HER TO BE WELL, BUT IF HE COULDN'T DO THAT, LET HER PAIN AND SUFFERING BE OVER WITH. LORD SHE HAD BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH ALREADY.......
PAULA DIED QUIETLY THAT MORNING OF JUNE 15TH, ONE YEAR EXACTLY FROM THE DATE THE DOCTOR HAD TOLD US SHE HAD LEUKEMIA. BUT IN THAT ONE YEAR SHE HAD EFFECTED SO MANY LIVES IN SO MANY WAYS.
LARRY WALKED FROM THE CAR TO THE GRAVESIDE SERVICES. HE SAID HE HAD BEEN WORKING ON IT EVER SINCE HE HAD MET PAULA. HE SAID THAT JUST KNOWING HER GAVE HIM THE INSPIRATION AND DETERMINATION HE NEEDED TO DO IT BECAUSE SHE HAD STRENGTHENED HIS FAITH IN GOD.
MAYBE THAT IS WHY GOD PUT HER HERE, SHORT TIME AS IT WAS. MAYBE HE KNEW THE EFFECT SHE WOULD HAVE ON PEOPLES LIVES. IT'S BEEN TWENTY-FOUR YEARS SINCE OUR LITTLE ANGEL WAS HERE ON EARTH, BUT I STILL REMEMBER THAT LITTLE GIRL WITH THE GOLDEN BLOND HAIR AND THE DANCING BLUE EYES, AND WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES AND LISTEN REAL HARD, SOMETIMES I THINK I HEAR THE WORDS "I LOVE YOU MOMMY." COMING FROM SOMEWHERE ABOVE.

WRITTEN BY
F.M. WEBB